NATIONAL ASSOCIATION 0F SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGISTS

Children and Divorce
Access/Visitation Arrangements

By Steven 1. Pfeiffer
Child Development Center
Oshner Clinic & Alton Medical Foundation

Background. Divorce in the United States is almost as popular as marriage itself. The divorce rate has doubled in the past ten years, and it is expected that in the very near future almost half of all children will spend some time living in a single-parent family.

Approximately 90 percent of the children of divorce remain in their mother's custody. Although joint custody or co-parenting has grown in popularity in both the media and with divorcing parents, most courts still assume that the stability of a single home is preferable to children shuttling back and forth between feuding parents. Particularly with younger children, sole custody provides the greater likelihood of ensuring a secure attachment, parent-child bonding, and identification with one adult caretaker.

Four general rules are commonly followed by the court in deciding custody disputes:

1. A young child should be placed in the custody of his mother.
   
2. A girl should be placed in her mother's custody, while a boy should be placed in his father's custody if he no longer requires his mother's constant care.
   
3. If the child is old enough to form an intelligent judgment, her choice of custodian will be given consideration.
   
4. It is typical practice to grant the rights of visitation to the parent not awarded custody. Visitation would be restricted or refused only if it may result in serious emotional or physical harm to the child.

Types of Custody Arrangements. In most situations, four custody plans are the usual options available to divorcing families. They are governed, however, by state law, and an attorney would be in the best position to advise of the alternative arrangements.

Sole Custody: Sole custody is an arrangement in which one parent has custody of the child(ren) and the other parent has visitation privileges. This is the most traditional and common arrangement, and the custodial parent is expected to make the majority of the child's daily life decisions. However, both parents can participate in many of the decisions regarding their child's education, religion, medical and dental care, summer experiences, etc. Commonly, a specific schedule of visitation is included in the separation agreement and divorce decree such as, "Father will pick up the children on alternate weekends on Friday 6:00 p.m. and return them Sunday at 6:00 p.m." This plan is particularly useful when parents are unable to cooperate sufficiently, and thus benefit from the structure which ensures parents' equitable rights.

Divided/Shared Custody: This is a less common and unusual plan. The child spends half of the time with one parent and half with the other (such as 6 months with each parent, or alternating years). Each parent enjoys reciprocal visitation privileges. This particular plan is most workable when both parents live in the same school district, share similar values and child rearing styles, and enjoy minimal conflict and hostility in dealing with one another.

Split Custody: This plan divides the children between both parents. One or more child(ren) live permanently with one parent and one or more live with the other parent. One advantage of this arrangement is that each parent has full access to at least one child-typically a child of the same sex as the custodial parent. On the other hand, a risk with this plan is that siblings are split up, contributing to their feelings of loss, rejections, self-blame, confusion, guilt and shame.

Types of Access/Visitation. One important aspect of custody is access to the child by the noncustodial parent (if joint custody is not initiated). Five types of access exist:

Free Access: Unrestricted contact between the child and the noncustodial parent, where access typically occurs as a response to the needs of the child.

Flexible Regular Access: The child visits with the noncustodial parent on a regular basis, such as on weekends and one midweek evening. Both parents understand that the regular arrangement can be modified and renegotiated if necessary.

Rigid Regular Access: Similar to the regular arrangement, except that considerably less flexibility is allowed for change.

Irregular or Occasional Access: There is no set pattern or schedule, with visitation occurring on a sporadic or occasional basis, usually at the convenience of the noncustodial parent. Generally, access is not more regular because one or both parties are reluctant to maintain closer contact, because the custodial parent is not enthusiastic about visitation, or because either parent has relocated to a distant geographical location.

No Access: There is no longer contact between the noncustodial parent and the child(ren).

Development. Regardless of the custody/visitation plan, children face a difficult set of adjustments as a result of separation and divorce. It is not unusual for children to continue to experience a range of adjustment problems as long as two-to-three years following parental divorce.

Most children find the option of free access most desirable. Children themselves report that one source of frustration and unhappiness is restricted access to a parent. Children who spend little time with their noncustodial parent during the first year after the marital breakup seem particularly vulnerable to develop psychological problems. More frequent and regular contact seems to be important, particularly for preschool and school-aged children. For various reasons, infants and adolescents don't seem to be as adversely affected by less frequent access.

It is generally agreed upon that an ongoing relationship between the child and the noncustodial parent is extremely important. it is also widely recognized that children are dissatisfied with infrequent visitation arrangements. What Can I Do As A Parent? Three principles can help guide parents through the often painful and stressful process of divorce when children are involved.

1. Child custody decisions should be made expediently, with the philosophy of the child's needs foremost during the legal proceedings. "The least detrimental alternative" is a reasonable perspective that helps parents decide upon the "best" type of custody and access/visitation arrangement.
2. Divorcing parents need to be flexible and tolerant when approaching the visitation plan. Visitation schedules should be viewed as structured guidelines that assure parents' equitable rights, and children's access to their noncustodial parent on a consistent and regular basis. However, modifications will need to be made on occasion, and as the child gets older and circumstances change, periodic revisions may be warranted.
3. Children benefit from ongoing relationships with both of their parents following divorce. Infrequent and irregular visitation arrangement prove less satisfactory for both the noncustodial parent and for the children, and seem to contribute to the adjustment difficulties often seen following a marital breakup.

The custodial parent's attitude toward visits is a crucial factor in the relative success or failure of the visitation arrangement. Children have an uncanny ability to pick up even subtle parental cues that reflect negative feelings and attitudes toward their ex-spouse. The custodial parent must learn to "compartmentalize" any animosity she feels toward her ex-spouse, so that she can encourage and support her children's continued relationship with their other parent. This is not an easy task, and may require the professional help of a mediator or psychotherapist.

Resources:

Gardner, R.A. (1970). The boys and girls book about divorce. New York: Bantam Books. Gardner normalizes the many confusing and painful feelings that children experience when their parents divorce, and offers practical suggestions on how to set up a reasonable access/ visitation plan.

Goldstein, S. & Solnit, A. J. (1984). Divorce and your child. New Haven: Yale University Press. This paperback book is a manual for parents with many helpful guidelines on child custody, medication, and access/visitation.

Majid, K. & Schreibman, W. (1980). Divorce is ... a kid's coloring book. Gretna, La.: Pelican. A delightful coloring bock for preschool and early school age children that uses drawings as a means of touching upon 25 issues about divorce.

Wallerstein, J. & Kelly, J. (1980). Surviving the break up: How children and parents cope with divorce. New York: Basic Books. Written by two experts on the effects of divorce and access/visitation, this paperback book offers much information of what parents and children typically go through during a marital breakup. The two authors do a nice job of explaining why visits with the noncustodial parent are so hard, whet "games parents play" that tend to discourage visiting, and how to ensure a more positive access relationship.